When God Makes You Sick

In April, on the last day of Passover, I went to the emergency room with tremendous pain in my abdomen. In all honesty, I thought it might just be the worst gas I had ever felt before or maybe just too much Matzah (#JewishProblems). At first the doctors were not even sure what was happening! After tests and imaging studies, I was diagnosed with Diverticulitis. WebMD describes Diverticulitis this way: 

Diverticulosis happens when pouches (diverticula) form in the wall of the colon. If these pouches get inflamed or infected, it is called diverticulitis. Diverticulitis can be very painful. Doctors aren't sure what causes diverticula in the colon (diverticulosis). But they think that a low-fiber diet may play a role. Without fiber to add bulk to the stool, the colon has to work harder than normal to push the stool forward. The pressure from this may cause pouches to form in weak spots along the colon. Doctors aren't sure what causes diverticulitis. Bacteria grow in the pouches, and this can lead to inflammation or infection.

It was painful. More painful than anything I have experienced in my life. As I was suffering late at night, before going to the hospital, I began throwing up from the pain. While sitting on the bathroom floor I found myself singing. What an odd experience to throw up and sing at the same time. Specifically two songs were set on repeat in my mind, The Love of God by Marty Goetz and Lord Have Mercy by Lecrae. The line in Lecrae’s song is “Lord have mercy and pity on your son from what I once was and what I have become.” 

While the diagnosis was clear, my doctors had no idea why this was happening to me because this condition seemed odd at my young age. With gas and excess Matzah ruled out, I had no clue either! It wasn't until the end of August that I experienced an unexpected revelation.  God made me sick. 

I know, it sounds weird and I don’t like saying it out loud or writing it down. I feel like to some degree it’s against my theology. Please don’t read this and believe that I am saying God causes people to get sick. That would miss the point of the lesson I learned. Some sickness is just sickness. Some sickness is opportunity for us to learn something. 

For a few weeks prior to this revelation each of the leaders at Restoration came to me and in different conversation and all essentially said the same thing to me: “You don’t listen. When you do listen you are only hearing what you want to hear so you can persuade me to what you want me to do.” If one leader says something you think about it. If two leaders say the same thing you pray about it. If all your leaders say the same thing it is probably God trying to get your attention. So, with the encouragement from my mentor, I took a test from Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the results said, “You don’t listen. When you do listen you are only hearing what you want to hear so you can persuade me to what you want me to do.” Dang it. So, after all this I am getting in my car after a great workout and clear as day I hear the Lord say, “I made you sick.” I respond with, “why would you do that to me?”  To which, as clear as if I was before the Lord, He said, “It was the only way you would listen to me.”  Then there were tears. a lot of tears.

I don’t know how you feel about God speaking out loud. I don’t know if you have ever heard Him speak to you. Maybe you think I am crazy. I’m okay with that. Maybe you think God making me sick is ridiculous and I would say that, until this happened, I probably would have agreed with you. I am not saying sickness is from God. I am not saying this happens to everyone. I don’t know how often God works this way. There is also a danger that we would be gripped by fear and begin to believe that anything bad that happens to us is from God. It’s not. Fear is not from God. Here is what I know, I wasn’t listening. To think that I would try to persuade God, to what I want Him to do rather than listen for what He wants me to do, makes me sad. I want to listen better. To God, to my leaders. Of course the danger of being this transparent is that people have the tendency to look back and say “you weren’t listening to me either.” Or in conversation people pull out this blog and say “you are doing this to me, right now.” I get all that. I also believe that God wants to our experiences to encourage someone who may be going through the same kind of thing. 

It’s interesting because in the beginning of January of this year I started taking my health seriously. I starting going to the gym four times a week and I am eating better than I had before. Aside from the time I was recovering from being sick I have maintained these lifestyle changes all year.  I have changed a lot of things in my life because of this encounter with God. Reflecting back on this whole experience I realize this was a test from the Lord. When we talk about God testing Abraham in Genesis we recognize that He wasn’t testing Abraham to see what he would do. God knows. The test is for us. Honestly, it was faith building, even in serious pain I gave God glory and didn’t blame him for my pain. I worshipped Him and knew He was with me and was aware enough to hear is voice in my pain and recovery. Not just hear, either, but respond. Please don’t believe I am some kind of spiritual super star. That would miss my whole point in writing about this experience. It’s about how awesome God is not about me. 

You might say, “If God loves you why would He hurt you?” This is an important question. The writer of the book of Hebrews gives a great answer:

7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:7-11).

It is because God loves me so much that He would take such drastic measures to speak to me. I am quite confident that, for many years to come, 2015 will be a year for me to reflect back on knowing that God refuses to leave me. My passion in life is helping others know that no matter what you do, no matter how far you run from the God who created you, no matter if you claim to not believe in Him at all—that same God will never leave you. He waits, patiently. He inserts Himself into your story and uses the events of your life, good and bad, to point you back to Him.

So, are you listening even in your pain? Can you hear His voice? What is God saying to you in the midst of pain?

The Happy Rabbi

Here is proof that I am happy all the time.  My daughter, Emma (7), wrote about me in her homework for this week.  "My Dad is happy all the time" and it is usually true except for the times it is not.  I am a big believer in the idea that meanings of name matter.  It comes from the traditions of the Bible in which children were named based on what happened during pregnancy, birth, or a prophecy concerning their future decisions and life.  

When my mom was pregnant with me, a woman in the church (before Messianic Judaism) they were attending came up to her, put her hands on my mom's belly, and said "This will be a happy child."  So my parents named me Matthew Asher.  Matthew means "God's gift" and Asher means "Happy".  So, together, my name means God's gift of happiness.  My normal disposition is happy.

I have many years of pictures with the same happy face and I am teaching the next generation the ways of the happy face.  I love being happy.  I have found that in the many circumstances of life there are all kinds of attempts to steal my happiness and joy.  There are critics that don't like what I do, how I dress, my love for comic books, my love for movies, my love for God, etc.  There is a whole spiritual realm that are the enemies of God that would love to see me depressed, sad, complaining and frustrated. There are some that say I shouldn't be so transparent and live my life so publicly. There are a variety opinions of how I should live my life.

So, here it is: I am happy! I can't help but be happy because of the grace and mercy of God on my life. I can't help but be happy because I have a beautiful wife, Laura, and God has given us three awesome kids.  I can't help but be happy because I don't deserve anything that I have in life; yet, God saw fit to give all of it to me. I can't help but be happy because I serve an amazing congregation, Beit Messiah, in a super awesome city, Seattle. I follow Yeshua (Jesus) and I am happy because He gave His life for me so that I could follow Him with all of my heart, soul and strength...and He deserves all credit, glory, and honor for anything good that I am or do!

Here is the new theme verse for my life:

1 Timothy 1:15-16

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Messiah Yeshua came into the world to save sinners –of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Messiah Yeshua might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life.”

I admit my goal is to not be like anyone who has come before me.  I admit that I like to break "rules" for what a rabbi is supposed to look and act like. I am quite comfortable and confident in my own skin. I like myself. I like the way God made me. I recognize that without Yeshua I would still be stuck in, and defined by, my sin. I am happy because Yeshua has set me free from the expectations of the world around me and wants me to live according to His expectations for me, which is to be awesome and bring Him glory.

Word to the wise: don't try to steal my happiness. It won't work. I'm the Happy Rabbi.

Are you happy? Are there people trying to steal your happiness? What do you do about it?

Messianic Music, Chanukkah & Unity in Seattle!

What an amazing time we had with Joel Chernoff in concert this past Saturday (Dec. 8th).  What a great way to start off the Festival of Chanukkah.  To be able to worship God together with our two sister congregations, Beit HaShofar and Beit Tikvah, in unity was amazing.

It was really a special time of worship before Adonai.  Rabbi Jason Forbes led us in Havdallah for the closing of Shabbat.  My family and I led the blessing for the first night of Chanukkah.  The music, of course, was outstanding thanks to Joel Chernoff.  Close to three hundred people came out; many of which danced in a great dance circle.  About twenty of our children had their own dance circle thanks to some outstanding women of God who jumped in and helped the kids!

The words that describe the event for me are "wonderful, exciting, amazing, and awesome."  Of course the entire point was to celebrate our Messiah Yeshua together in unity.  For Beit Messiah it was a no-brainer.  We belong to both the IAMCS and the UMJC.  Beit Tikvah is our sister congregation through the IAMCS and Beit HaShofar is our sister congregation through the UMJC.   This was not just about bringing together all/any  "Messianic" groups in Seattle.  This was about bringing three like-minded Messianic rabbis and their synagogues who are focused on the same purpose: sharing Yeshua with our Jewish people in Seattle in a Jewish way.  Our three congregations are different.  We do things differently.  And this is to our benefit.  We are not saying that any of us do Messianic Judaism "right"!  We are saying we are three expressions of what Messianic Judaism is!  And to come together to celebrate the end of Shabbat, the Festival of Chanukkah, and Messianic Judaism in Seattle was a joy!

Special thanks go out to Joel Chernoff, his music was the catalyst for this special night.  I also want to thank Dan Behrens who did a fantastic job with everything audio/visual.  Phil Baxter leading our offering team, Fred Savo leading greeters, Mechele Baird helping me take care of Joel, the people that helped at the merchandise table.  Thanks to Dave Petrie getting our Beit Messiah banner waaaaaaay up on the wall, Jennifer Benvenuti for leading all the dancers, Janelle Behrens and her team for setting up coffee and cookies.  Thanks to Maryanne Savo and P.K. White for being so detail oriented and making sure the event went smoothly, everyone who helped with set up and break down, North Seattle Alliance Church for their partnership and friendship.  Thanks to Rabbi Hylan Slobodkin and Rabbi Jason Forbes for their friendship and co-leading in this event. Thank you to the people from Beit Messiah, Beit HaShofar, and Beit Tikvah and so many other friends who came out and supported this outstanding effort of unity.

The end of the event was one of my favorite parts when Rabbi Hylan, Rabbi Jason and I stood on the stage together as representatives of our synagogues.  To close the event Rabbi Hylan led us in the Aaronic benediction.  Psalm 133:1 says, "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" And we did! And it was awesome!

If you have pictures from this event please send them to Rabbi@BeitMessiah.com so we can share them!

My Behind Before Me!

It's funny to see where you were born. Two weeks ago I did just that.  I went to the place of my birth for the first time since just about when I was born.  Ashland is a funky little town in southern Oregon surrounded by mountains and inhabited by hippies.  Yes, still.   It is a town known for Shakespeare but in my family it is known as Beth El.  Beth El is the place where our forefathers go, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  It is the place where Jacob commits his life to the Lord and God becomes Jacob's God and not just "The God of his fathers".

Thirty something years ago my parents were hippies.  They left New Jersey together and drove across the county in a nasty little van that they lived in until they could scrounge up enough to live in an apartment. They had my brother Jake in a hospital. But three years later (1979) they did it the "natural" way and decided to do a home birth.  Two weeks ago with my parents on the phone I walked up to the apartment where I was born and I knocked on the door. A skinny dude with a winter hat and a big beard came to the door.  I told him I was born in his apartment and he said in true Oregon hippie fashion, "Come on in man!" His wife came out of the kitchen with super long dreads and the apartment smelled like incense (maybe?!).  I felt like I was meeting my parents from thirty two years ago! It was surreal.  I went upstairs and looked at the little room where I came into existence and thought "man, this is crazy!"

I'm a New Yorker. Right now I am a New Yorker who lives in Seattle.  I love Seattle.  It's a funky, cool city and, yes, also still full of hippies.  Almost two years ago I was flying out to Seattle to find an apartment for my family.  I stopped in San Diego to attend a Bar Mitzvah and then San Francisco.  Flying from San Francisco to Seattle took me right over Crater Lake.  As I flew over I sensed the Lord saying to me "Welcome home, Matt." I tried to convince God that I am a New Yorker, which He knows, but I understood that for this time in my life I belong in the Northwest.  God has great things that He wants to do in me and through me here!

Back to Beth El (Ashland).  I have heard all of my life about Crater Lake, Lithia Park, the mountains, the Ashland Foursquare Church and Johnny Otto.  While in Maryland John and I had talked on the phone many times but I had never met him, as an adult.  I was excited to meet him and see all that I had heard about!

John is an awesome guy. He is 83 and has been serving the Lord for a long time. It's a funny thing to meet someone and hear yourself and your dad in his voice.  John is my Dad's spiritual father. If my dad is Timothy (from the Bible), John is Paul.  He taught my dad about the Lord; prayed with him in Lithia Park and encouraged him to follow the Lord with his whole life.  In those days neither of them had much money. My parents were in HUD housing and on food stamps.  They could hardly afford to have coffee together.  But they did. Met early. Prayed. Talked and trusted the Lord together.

I needed to see John and his wonderful wife, Becky.  I needed to see Ashland.  I needed to go backwards to understand my right now.  I needed to see, hear and touch where I started so I could better understand where I'm going.  As John, Becky and I walked in Lithia Park, John wanted me to see the places where he and my dad spent time praying.  One of the paths was grown over and we had to climb some rocks. John no longer walks very well but he was determined to get to the spot.  We got there and prayed and I had an opportunity to bless the man who taught my dad who taught me.  I am who I am because Johnny Otto took my dad under his wing and imparted everything he knew about the faithfulness of God to him.

Sometimes I find myself discouraged.  Sometimes ministry totally stresses me out. Sometimes I stress myself out.  Now, I think of my Beth El (Ashland) and am faced with the reality of the faithfulness of God.  In my family I am only a second generation follower of Yeshua.  If my children choose to walk with Yeshua, they will be third generation.  On my wife's side, her family has been walking with Yeshua for around 400 years.  Talk about God's faithfulness in bringing Laura and me together.  Of course as a Jew, my ancestors have walking with God for 5000 years.  There has been a lot of walking and I am grateful to God for both sides of my children's heritage.

So here in 2011, I discovered something I will take with me for the rest of my life.  The God of my fathers is awesome!  My journey has been awesome!  I love where I come from, where I am and where I am going.  I love that my passport says, "Ashland, OR." I love that the Lord has called this New Yorker to Seattle and I love that He is doing awesome things in me and through me.

Where has your journey taken you? 

Want more? listen to my sermon about this trip: Being RIGHTeous

love what you do!

I have been apart of what we call "The Messianic Movement" my entire life.  When I was five weeks old my parents, along with my older brother (three years old), drove across the country from Ashland, Oregon to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  We drove across the country to participate in one of the few Messianic Jewish Congregations in the whole world, Beth Yeshua.

Back in February of 2010 I came out to Seattle to find an apartment for my family as we began the process of moving from Maryland to Washington State.  At Thirty years old I took my family on a journey across the country to follow God where He was leading us.  On this particular trip I went to a Bar Mitzvah in San Diego first.  So, on my way to Seattle I had to stop in San Francisco.  Because of this particular path I found myself flying over Oregon on my way to Seattle.  I saw Mt. Hood and Crater Lake (I even took pictures from the plane with my iPhone).

It struck me as I was flying that God was doing an awesome thing for me as His child.  I realized that God was in our move and that God was with us because I could have never planned that at Thirty years old God would bring me back to the northwest.  At around the same age that my parents were when they left.  With children around the same age that my brother and I as we drove.  Passing the place that my parents have told me about my whole life but I had not seen with my own eyes.  Not as a baby (in a basket in the back of a station wagon) but as a grown man.  Not as a son, but as a dad.  Not without purpose, but to grow a Messianic Synagogue.

Since about the age of ten I have wanted to be a Messianic Rabbi.  I was a Rabbi in New York for a few years and then in Maryland for ten months.  As I approach a year of being in Seattle, I am really excited for all that God is doing in me and at Beit Messiah.  My heart is full, my eyes are set on the goal of reaching my people and my feet are hitting the ground doing the work of my heart and eyes.

I am convinced that God is doing awesome things here in Seattle!  I am in such an amazing place because my dreams are coming true and the purposes that God put on my heart when I was a boy are becoming reality.  I am entirely passionate about my job.  I am excited to participate in God's plan for my life.  I love what I do, I love my family, I love my Synagogue.  I can't wait to look back on these years and talk of all the awesome things God did!

Do you love what you do?
Are you passionate about your job?
Are you where God wants you?

If your answer to these questions are yes? Praise God!
If your answer to these questions is no?
maybe you should consider stopping what you are doing and going after the things God has called you too.  hard? yes. scary? you better believe it.  worth it? see above :)

His plans for you are good.  He wants you to love and be passionate about what you are doing with your life.  Find Him and let Him bring you into your purpose!

Holding my boy!

I spent some time with my beautiful 6 month old son yesterday.  It was just the two of us.  I watched "master and commander" with Russell Crowe.  It was a manly activity for two men :)

I was holding Ty and looking outside over the foothills of the cascade mountains and I looked at Ty's face as I held him.  I tried to figure out how I could love him so much.  He can't even talk yet.  As I looked at his face I realized: I love him because he is mine.  I had a part in making him and he is mine.

Not to long ago I helped out at Emma's (my 5 year old) preschool.  Two of the 5 year old boys were arguing over my daughter.  "my Emma" "no my Emma."  I stopped both of them and got down on my knees so I could be at their level and I said "actually, she is MY Emma."

Today is a super clear day in Seattle.  On a day like today I can see the mountains that surround the city.  I think of the Psalm 125:2 "As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds His people from this time forth and forever."  I find it amazing that as I hold my son and look at his face, the mountains and hills around Seattle that the creator of the universe sees me the same way.   He loves me because I am His.  He created me and when I do dumb things He still likes my face.  Why?! because He made me and He has great things for me to do with my life!

be encouraged Friends.  Your His.  He made You.  If your running from Him just turn around.  He wants to hold you and look at your face and enjoy His creation.  He wants to be enjoyed by you the way a baby smiles at his mom and dad.  And man, is that smile worth a lot!